this year i resolve

2008 was an eventful year for my family and 2009 is approaching rapidly. i set new years resolutions every year, usually things about no longer cursing, no longer eating candy bars, working out, etc... (i do these same resolutions year after year... i usually stick to them until, oh lets see, January 4th, give or take a few days)


this year i have several things i want to change about my life and i will write them out here, as a pact of sorts, to help me stick to them, hopefully for good.

my top seven:

1. i resolve to spend more time counting my blessings rather than complaining about hardships.


2. i resolve to give more time to marriage.


3. i resolve to be a more patient mother, allowing more messes for the sake of having fun with my children.


4. i resolve to become fit, focusing more on activity and exercise, less on numbers.


5. i resolve to allow only the amount of activities my family can easily manage, allowing for more free play time at home together.


6. i resolve to teach my children more of what they can do and less of what they can't.


7. i resolve to make church more of a consistent part of my life.


i will leave it at seven, there are lots more things i need to work on, but this is plenty for 2009.

wish me luck!!

oh the joys

it took several tries to get this years christmas picture... most of them turned out like this




or this...



but somehow i captured all four facing forward...



it was a blessed christmas this year indeed, i spent it baking cookies with my four crazy, healthy, beautiful children and husband. i was able to visit my dad and mom in the hospital. his surgery was a success, he is (cross my fingers) cancer free and one less lung lobe as i type. it was caught way early according to the surgeon - luck due to his cat scans to watch his heart - there is the silver lining in the whole mess.
we took them christmas dinner, visited for awhile, went to candlelight service... where all four sat like perfect angels - other than having to take maggie out for screaming amen over and over, feeding ashton and molly bags of candy to keep their mouths occupied, and my hair nearly being caught on fire by the little old lady behind me, it was ultra peaceful.
we spent the rest of christmas eve at home, just the six of us, playing games, feeding the reindeer, setting out cookies for santa and going to bed extra early.
my children woke up to a generous amount of goodies and a note written by the jolly old elf himself. the best gift i have ever been given has to be this very fancy, beautiful, large, gold, pink heart and diamond ring. it cost my oldest son 13 dollars of the 20 he had to spend on his whole family. it came in a little black jewelry box and everything. be prepared to compliment me when you see me around town with this baby on:



i know, the picture just doesn't do it justice.

there was much fun had by all but this mama's beat and ready for a very long winter nap.

doesn't it go by in a blink?

there is nothing like looking at old pictures to make you realize how fast it really goes...

molly at one


carson's first christmas


i had my act together this christmas... a picture together




but this is the best i could find from 04 christmas... rats



and then there were three


again it must not of crossed my mind to get pictures this year...



back on my game... oh boy four


and now, christmas present

eight is great

this post is really to recap the ultra fun big birthday bash i recently had for my oh so soon to be eight year old. but i needed to get one thing straight first. i had several girls spend the night for what i thought was called a "bunking party". please tell me there is someone else out there that knows this term!! i understand you call it a sleepover, slumber party, whatever, but it is also called a bunking party in my world.

it was brought to my attention that perhaps several of the girl's parents may have been confused by this terminology and thought i was hosting a "bunko" party, which usually involves a little gambling and drinking. i can assure you, there was no drinking or gambling... well maybe a little.

they were up to all hours playing poker and sharing cigars while i hit the bottle... other than that it was totally innocent.

for real - not as bad as i imagined. there was pizza, cupcakes, gifts, singing, dancing, giggling, crafting, popcorn, a little tiny bit of sleeping and tons more giggling. molly was in heaven the entire time, smiling from ear to ear, so it was worth it. it is fun when you are the birthday girl, everyone wants to sit by you to eat, sleep next to you, play all the games you want to play, so you sort of feel like a princess the whole time.

the girls were super nice to molly's little siblings as well, including them in all the festivities. the big game of the night was dressing up maggie as a queen and treating her like one - thanks, that is all i need for that little princess to be advanced to queen. we are still working out the logistics of that.
so happy birthday dear molly, i hope i made it as special as you deserve.

i am constantly reminded of the important things in life. i am really guilty of getting wrapped up in the superficial details, media, other's perceptions, so on and so forth... but something or someone comes around and reminds me of what really matters, puts me in my place.
i was stressing earlier this week about my list of things to do, christmas parties, birthday party, christmas eve dinner and more silly things. i was telling my dad i thought we might try and make the 10 am candle light service so it wouldn't interfere with dinner and family time if we went in the evening as usual. he responded with, just do what you want to, don't alter you plans around me, i will probably be in the hospital for christmas eve.
say what? why?
(this is the same dad i almost lost last year to a dissected aorta on his birthday)
well, i guess when doing his routine cat scan to check how his aortic valve and other various replacement parts were working, they saw a nodule in his chest. they did a pet scan thursday and have scheduled surgery to remove it on dec 23rd. moving kind of fast in my opinion, so they must be worried. crap. are you telling me that after miraculously surviving a fatal dissection he could have cancer? that just doesn't seem fair.
anyhow... the point of the story... be thankful for everything in your life, small to big.

don't worry about what time you will sit down for christmas dinner, just be thankful your family will be sitting down for that dinner.

don't fret that your babies are fighting, fussing and making you crazy, just be thankful that they are fighting fussing and you are around to be crazy.

in that same thought, a friend of mine was fretting over how she may have screwed up as a mom because her son hated to go to sleep without being loved on and rocked to sleep first. don't you ever for a second fret about that. i know there are always people who have children who give up the binky on time, go to bed right at 8, sleep all night, nap on time, give up the bottle on time, and that is great! but don't you ever fret because you love your baby so much you feel the need to hold them until they sleep. i promise you won't regret it.
just don't get so busy making sure you are doing everything right that you miss out on the doing of it all.
can anybody tell that my baby is way too quickly approaching two years old and my oldest will shortly be eight? im way emotional over it.

snow days

merry christmas!!

snow

there is nothing like the first big snow. i love how magical it is, how it gets you in the mood for the holidays and makes you want to turn on the fireplace and snuggle up on the couch with a good book and cup of hot cocoa.



oh wait, that is so not my life. the first snow gets me in the mood to squeeze eight snow boots on eight little feet, eight mittens, four hats, four coats and four pair of snow pants on four little squirmy bodies. reverse all of that in about 20 minutes, throw all of the wet stuff into the dryer to get ready for the next round that will come directly after they get hot cocoa and warm their little bodies back up.



i know there will be a day when i get to watch the snow falling from my living room while reading my book by the fire, sipping my hot cocoa in peace - and i will remember days like today when i had all those little bodies to watch giggling and playing in the snow.

don't try this at home

when they tell you not to use bubble bath with your whirlpool tub, they probably are speaking from experience.

this is how my husband got the kids super clean while i gabbed on the phone with friend of mine.

funny, our conversation was about if she should have a third kid or not... come on girl, have a couple more.

prayers

Please pray for the Vest family this Christmas season. Stephanie lost her battle with cancer yesterday. Pray for her husband and children most importantly, but also for all of her friends and family she has that also are grieving. I can't even try to wrap my mind around their sadness right now.
http://rainkitephotography.typepad.com/stephanie_vest/

its almost time

its almost time for christmas - my absolute favorite holiday in the whole wide world. i love everthing about it, the snow, homeade bread, candy, presents, jesus, angels, good cheer, family, friends, parties, santa claus... all of it. what i don't like is how fast it goes by. once we hit "black friday", things really start moving along. before you know it poof - its all over and you are stuck taking down the lights and the tree, shoving them into bins and carting them to the basement.

so, this year i am going to make sure i enjoy the whole month of december, take time to do things with the kids and really get into the meaning and the fun things surrounding christmas.
some goals -

-the crown center crayolaland
-make homeade bread and actually let the kids help this time, like really let eight little hands get in and knead the dough and mess flour all over the floor without cursing or complaining about it.
-make sugar cookies and gingerbread men from scratch, again letting them decorate and mess.
-drive the family around looking at lights and listening to christmas music
-take each child out and let them pick out presents for their siblings, not directing or influencing their decisions in any way
-watch "its a wonderful life" i have never seen it.
-go to see the christmas production my friend jen's husband composes, creates and directs at woods chapel church
-read the christmas story to the children, in the living room in front the tree and the fireplace

so, does anyone have other ideas i must do? i know these are lofty aspirations and there will be always be stress, but i plan on absorbing the moments more and stressing less. good advice for anyone.

more rambling

so i have still been running/walking every single day since last may. i am up to running eight songs in a row, which is around two miles i guess. guess how much weight i have lost in the last seven months -- drum roll please --- two whole pounds!!! woo hoo --- seven months of dedicated sweating every day for two pounds. ridiculous. anyhow, i figure it must be doing something good for my heart maybe, so i will continue my life long quest to be of "average" weight.

so here is what happened the other night at my house. my boys and i were wrestling around on my bed, just being silly while molly, maggie and jeff observed. my son tackled me like the sissy i really am and after landing on my back, my tee shirt came up enough to show my oh so attractive recently stretched out by four children stomach. (has anyone seen jon and kate where she shows her belly button prior to surgery? really closely resembles that. there is a mental picture for you.) so carson immediately grabs my flabby belly and pushes it together around my belly button and starts the whole "hi, my name is chubby. my mommy is chubby, my daddy is chubby, even my baby sister is chubby."

oh my gosh carson - that is sooooo mean. you do not make your mother's fat belly button start talking!!! my sweet husband was laughing, molly was laughing, which only encouraged more.

thanks, that was soooooo good for my ego.

mama knows best

when you are a nurse it is hard to judge when to take your child in to be seen by a doctor. you think to yourself, well it could be this, it could be that... or i could be over reacting. you sit and stew, ask your friends, sit and stew and try to make the best decision for your child.

this was me. carson had been coughing and running temps of around 103. could it be a virus? yes, so i sat and waited until day six to take him in. i had recently dealt with strep throat myself, so i was wondering if that could be his problem also. i worked saturday night, got home sunday and went to bed until about 1 pm. when i woke up he was laying on the couch, coughing and chilling, sitting right at 103.5 degrees. ok, so we are going in. shouldn't be to busy on a sunday early in the day.

wrong!! three and a half hour wait, at least. wow. so i utilize my sources and check to see if our other locations are busy. downtown is not so busy and much closer to where im at, so i load carson back in the car and head there. lets just say downtown is not the same as my lovely little hospital. the place stinks of urine and is filthy. gross. i wanted to load him back up and run, but we had already been triaged.

i waited patiently in the dirty little room with car who was flushed and holding his chest, wincing every time he coughed. the RESIDENT came in to see him (another difference between the downtown location and mine) and did a quick history. he felt it wasn't strep, but even if it was, we didn't need to treat it. "strep will go away on it's own eventually." that is something i had not thought of. maybe we could we treat it just for fun? that is my opinion.
his lungs sound really good, so no need for an xray. ok, i thought he sounded a little coarse and diminished, but who am i to question this fine resident.

then an attending comes in. i recognize him as the brother to a doctor i work with. oh good, he will have some sense. and yes he does, he asks all the right questions, states that he will go talk with another doctor and get right back with me. great!! thank you so much i gush.
45 quick minutes later in comes the nurse with discharge paperwork. but you haven't done anything yet i squeak. she says, the doctor wants you to know that if the fever continues for another 7-10 days you should follow up with your primary. so after 14 days of fever i should get checked?
yep. ok then. its now 5:30pm, i left my house around one and drove all over, waited all day for nothing.

today car woke up 103 again, so i called my primary and nobody was there. not sure why the office would be closed, but this is how my luck is running. well, at noon on a monday my little urgent care should be wide open. i load a crying carson up again and head out.

its packed. on a monday. nobody knows why, just a weird thing. great. so we wait again for two hours. carson hates me now. i begin bribing him with all i know - ice cream, toys, money, you name it. we are friends again.

we are seen, the clever little doctor at my nice sweet hospital takes his history and says "well you should always be seen for a fever after five days." thank you sir, i tried. "based on his history im certain its pneumonia, lets get an xray." i love you, finally.
when he got it back, it was a nice large left sided pneumonia with some patches on the right.

antibiotics. thank you. was that so hard? what if i didn't know any better and listened to the folks at the other location? how many people do that? scary. anyhow, all's well that ends well. we have a diagnosis, we have drugs, so hopefully my little rugged boy will be back in no time.

heartache

so my heart is heavy and very sad tonight. i see that the inevitable has come to pass and barack hussein obama will be the leader of this great nation. along with him, congress will have a commanding majority of democrats. you know the last time that happened? lets see... well i can tell you what happened - the great depression.
that is what i am feeling. im not hiding my head in the sand, or feeling shamed. i feel strongly that if you know what you believe in is right, than that is all that matters. truth prevails.

i will work to find positive things about liberals. i know there is something they believe in that is in line with my beliefs. help me. i can't wake up every morning with this feeling in my heart.
so give me positives.

my husband made a great observation. you can't control what happens in the country, but you can control what happens in your home. focus on your family, love your children, go to church, instill values in your family. teach your children that there are definitely absolutes. there are rights and wrongs. this country is headed in such a direction where nothing is absolute anymore, its just a little bit wrong, or only wrong in certain cases. i don't agree. i will teach my children that is not the right way to think. i will keep morals in my home, even if they are sliding away in the rest of the country.

for tonight, i will allow myself sadness. i will grieve the loss of what could have been...
but tomorrow i will wake up and put on a happy face. i will find positives in what can still be.
it is just four short years, right? i mean, how much harm can one liberal president, congress and supreme court do in four years? don't answer that. every problem has a solution.

halloween

it sure seems like there is a lot of preparation for something that goes by in a blink. after shopping for four costumes, buying four pumpkins, carving four pumpkins, roasting seeds, buying treats, snacks and goodies for three parties, attending three school parties and two trunk or treats we did manage to save up enough energy to dress four children in costumes and go trick or treating in the neighborhood for a little bit.



here we are.


some scary



some tough




some mean




and some just stinkin cute.

lammers

ashton has a beloved lamb he calls appropriately "lammers". it is dirty, flat, holy, stinky and gets worse with each washing. i found one on ebay and ordered a "back up" lammers.
don't you wish every thing you loved came with a back up?
lammers number two made the long trip from chicago and arrived at our house yesterday.

when we opened the package, there was this lovely, fluffy, soft, snowy white lamb like we used to have. funny thing is, ashton snubbed him and went back to old lammers. maybe replacements to those things we love isn't such a good idea after all.





the princess took a quick liking to him and has claimed the clone her own. not a single dollar wasted my friends. this little face doesn't really look like somebody who deserves a new lammers in my opinion.

goose bumps and a little bit of a black eye

i have such goose bumps right now and not the spooky halloween kind, but the holy cow what a miracle kind.
the gal i call cool mama had her baby! this was the little guy that doctors told her long ago was not a viable pregnancy and would not live to delivery.
well go see how he is doing!!
how can any body not believe in miracles?

now, another story.
for those of you who have been anxiously awaiting it, here is the picture of my big fat black eye.
you can giggle now, because i am ok, but it was not funny at the moment of impact.
as you know, i had strep throat last week. i was home alone with the children and starting to feel a little bit better so i got up to do some laundry. jeff was at carson's football game, i was a little woozy, and then i turned around to grab a towel and BAM. this nearly six foot tall girl dropped like a brick into the door frame. whoops. so now i am trying to get to and from schools, grocery stores, church, visiting with neighbors all the while hiding my boo boo.
as if the stress of the election wasn't enough to worry about.

try and look under the crazy large forehead and there you go. like i said, you can giggle now.

it will all be over soon

eight more days and it will all end. after that all of my political posts will be deleted, and the blog will return to a historical account of my daily family life, its true intention... really.

until then, watch this short tiny little video.

http://www.eyeblast.tv/public/video.aspx?v=e46U8zvkuz

pretty eye opening.

so i can't tell you how to vote.

vote for the economy, vote for health care, vote for the war. vote for taxes.

i can tell you im voting for morality. the rest will fall into place.

pumpkin patch and strep throat

so i am down for the count with strep. can you remember how crappy that makes you feel? its a rare occasion that i haul my own self out to the doctor and i did just that yesterday after waking up with stridor due to my ever so swollen and bleeding tonsils. yuck-o. but i am going to give a "shout out" to the little walk in clinic at CVS. the nurse prac. who saw me had been a flight nurse for over ten years and was tired of the excitement of traumas, so shepou started working there. she was fantastic and i was in and out in about 30 minutes. granted, there were some interesting souls waiting with me, but still handy. then you just hop two feet to the pharmacy and get your scripts. ingenious.
so i went home armed with my antibiotics and lidocaine to a restful house where i could just lay around for days... resting and recuperating. ha ha.... well, close enough.
so with nothing really to blog about, i will just throw up some pics from the pumpkin patch. you definitely don't want to see pics of me at this point.

16 months ago today

here is a story some may know, some do not. i feel it is important to share, so that you never do it to your own child, or that you do not pass judgement on those of us who have.

my family has a long history of going to bennett springs to fly fish, and they were planning to meet there just shy of 6 weeks after i delivered baby maggie. we were itching to get out of the house, so it was pretty easy to be convinced to join the rest of my family there for a relaxing weekend.

it was hard managing all four of them, but when we drove somewhere down there i would be in charge of maggie and carson, jeff would take over molly and ashton. that way we each had one big, one little.

my mom was really good about watching maggie so that jeff and i could take the bigger three out to do stuff like walking, fishing, swimming, etc. on the second day we were there we loaded up and headed to the pool. it was hot and steamy that day, and looked like it could rain. a muggy miserable day. my dad told us there was a little nature center that the kids would enjoy and that would be something for us to do until the rain passed over.

we loaded up and went down the street to the place. we are walking around inside, enjoying the icy cold air conditioning, showing the kids the fish and things that live in a stream.

i remember it vividly.

jeff came around one of the exhibits and asked me "where is maggie?"

confused, i responded "i don't know"
i felt panicked, in a way i can't ever describe. panic in a way that eats through your heart like acid. i still can't find words to convey what my body felt at that moment.

"where the h#ll is maggie?" he asks again, calm but with anger washing over his face.

my mind swirled and tried to answer. think jen, think. where is your baby? i had no idea. wasn't she with my mom? was she in here somewhere? did i leave her in the entry way where we came in? where was she?

i had no clue. none what so ever. jeff looked panicked. pale.

i felt like i was going to pass out, the room was spinning. why couldn't i think?

he looked at the car keys i was holding in my hand. sh#t. sh#t. sh#t.

he said something about the van and i just threw the keys at him and said run.

hot, muggy. i grabbed the kids and ran out to the parking lot. in my head i was thinking, how do i resuscitate her? how long has she been strapped into her car seat suffocating?


my stomach started trying to empty its contents, my heart started racing, and my eyes couldn't focus. tears sat in my eyes but couldn't come out.

he opened the van door and all i could see was that her eyes were closed.

"she's fine" he said.

"are you sure?" immediately i fall over and sob uncontrollably. my breath is gone, i can't see and jeff is telling me she is ok. molly is asking why i am so sad.

here is the kicker. as i reach in to touch her sweet sleeping face, the van is cool. it is cool and comfortable, and she is sleeping and not the least bit hot.


we were parked in the blacktop parking lot, out in the sun, middle of a midwest summer.

the air is so hot and muggy it is hard to breathe kind of hot.


but the inside of the van is cool.

we drove back to the cabin, sobbing, shaking, and knowing sweet maggie has a guardian angel.

everyone makes mistakes, sometimes giant ones. the only thing that separates me from that poor dad who left his baby in the car at the train station is that i was given another chance.

the new debate

here is something new to vote on... so you think you can dance vs. dancing with the stars.
do you like the not so experienced celebrity dancers or the well trained athletic and young dancers?

the bulk of my friends think it is goofy and i am silly for loving it, but i am just geeky in that sense. the things that entertain me are a little dorky. that being said, this mom had a ball watching the so you think you can dance tour when it stopped in kansas city this week.

we started with floor seats, but had to move because my little ones couldn't see much around the people in front of us.

we went to ted's montana grill downtown for dinner where they give out these awesome little toys instead of crayons. they are called wikkistix and they bend and stick without leaving a mess.

ingenious!! www.wikkistix.com go check them out for hours of creative non messy, non toxic play. (i should be getting paid to say that)

here is a little clip from the show, one of my favorite routines this year, created for the choreographer's daughter who is severely disabled and will sadly not every be able to dance.




unknown to me, my sugar hound had consumed an entire bag of cotton candy during the show.
it was bigger than him.
he was a little out of it the rest of the night...

puddin belly

hmmmm..... this is what my husband was doing downstairs with maggie while i was upstairs feverishly trying to bathe the rest of them tonight.


he said she noticed her belly sticking out half way through and was trying to squish it back in.
nice.

dirty birdy

oh you dirty birdy... i think we should leave the acorns for the squirrels.
obama might be able to hide his dirty little friends from the media for the most part, but little bits are seeping out. what intriguing little juicy bits have come out recently.

lets see, how many dirty little friends does he have? well we don't know yet. we do know he is at least "acquaintances" with jeramiah wright, bill ayers, louis farrakahn, tony rezko, and many individuals involved with the ultra ethical group we know as acorn. why are there so many flies flocking around him?
now many of you know already, but for those who don't mr. ayers is the man who hates america, who is responsible for terrorist attacks on government buildings, who wears a ring made of a us plane gunned down over vietnam. he was released of criminal charges and said ten minutes later "guilty as hell, free as a bird. america is a great country" or his other quote i like a lot " i don't regret setting bombs, i feel we didn't do enough." nice mr. ayers, were any of your family members in there?
well they weren't that close you say? that is a bold face LIE. they worked together for years, he launched his political campaign from ayer's living room, (would you have your political coming out party at a strangers house?) and their wives even worked together!!

now, he says he didn't realize his pastor (for twenty years) was an anti american racist. lets see, the members of his church all swear by "the black values system". really scary stuff. down with the evil white man kind of stuff. wright feels that obama could be our messiah.
come on people use your heads!!! why would he attend church there for the better part of his life and subject his little girls to that if he didn't believe in him? are there no other churches in chicago? give me a break.

now, that brings me to louis farrakhan. lets talk about anti american racists shall we? obama's church awarded this scary man a lifetime achievement award!! are you serious? this man calls whites "blue eyed devils" and jewish people "bloodsuckers" there is a great youtube clip of farrakhan preaching about when obama talks "the messiah is absolutely speaking".
well i must say the god i pray to is definitely not for infanticide or teaching my 5 year old sex education.

we may be hearing more about obama's neighbor and friend tony rezko. tony is a real estate developer who was convicted this past june of using his clout with the governor of chicago to get 7 million dollars in kickbacks on dirty little schemes and firms doing business with the state. rezko has raised over 100,000 dollars for obama's campaign.
now these guys were buddies, when obama bought his house the rezko's bought the lot right next door on the same day in a planned arrangement.

and finally we have acorn. this is a democratic group which supports very low income people.
great you say? no, not great. dirty little birds. and lets see.... who worked together to fund this group hundreds of thousands of dollars????? hmmmmmm.... now who could that be?
oh that is right, obama and his pal bill ayers. they worked on a second little board together, just a touch corrupt.

now lets see, all these voter registration frauds we have going on in thirteen (mostly battleground) states.... lets see, oh shocking they are democratic voters 4:1. that is odd isn't it? it is also odd that obama has funded this corrupt little group with $800,000 bucks. you have acorn people busing in low income people from the inner city and taking them to register to vote, sending in voter registration forms and now we are realizing, hey these are not real voters. a lot of the people acorn helped get sub prime loans are realizing they have to make their house payments? what? you mean i actually have to pay for that loan you gave me? funny thing is, these are the same people blaming the republicans for getting us into this mess.
sorry charlie why don't you ask your "messiah" to help you out now.

how many dirty little friends does one need to have before they are considered dirty themselves? i mean, how many of your close friends have ever said they hate america? have bombed federal buildings? state they hate the white man? i don't have any and i bet you don't either... not very many of us do.
you know what, if obama hussein pulls this off, if people are really such flippin followers they can't see through him, then you get what you ask for. what other countries must be thinking of us right now.

Carson

my baby

camping

we were inspired after watching jon and kate where they had a fun filled family camp out
in their back yard. after lots of preparation, shopping and a stroke of luck which found me off on a friday night, we were able to pull it off. the princess pictured above was going to have nothing to do with sleeping outdoors, per mom's request... aren't i clever?
so dad and the big kids put up the tent, built a fire and slept the ENTIRE night outdoors.
i was amazed they lasted, well almost... ashton found his way into my bed around 10:30.





fyi - the little glowsticks from wal-mart for 88 cents each are extra bright and much better than the dollar store necklaces.




warning: 3 year old + hammer = danger






ahhhh, the wilderness.




late night poker tournament in the tent with the neighbor friends.



the fire pit purchased with the one purpose of making

smores.... my favorite treat.

passing judgment

holy cow i am a horrid, judgmental person. i really mean it. i judge people like im getting paid to do it. take my neighbors for example. this is when i really got struck in the face with my own hatefulness.

we have three families on my cul de sac so far. myself, my neighbors adjacent to me and a young couple we call the dinks. double income no kids. they are cute and young and seemingly wealthy, they never come out to socialize with me and my circus of children. the girl is skinny, pretty and trendy. she always looks very professional and drives a nice shiny new car. not a dusty minivan. she does not walk around in sweats with a sloppy pony tail. when she goes for a jog she is all cute and matching and she can actually run. unlike myself who probably resembles a stuck hog trying to get back to her trough.

so do i like them? no, i always assumed they were way into themselves. today their little cute dogs got loose so she yelled at me and asked if i had seen them. i had not, although my children had been poking things at them under their giant beautiful fence as recently as yesterday.

tonight i saw her pull in and i asked if she had found them, yes thanks she had.

then i started making small talk.

thats when i got slapped in my demon mean judgmental face.

she just got approved to adopt, they had to pay a fortune through a local company. they are out of savings now because they have spent everything on IVF cycles which proved unsuccessful.

she has been married two years and has spent about a year and a half of that time desperately trying to have a baby. she is sick with wanting children. she doesnt care now if they are biological or not, she just wants to become a family, like me.

ummmmm..... yikes.

i just got back from culvers with all four (and my husband to help thank goodness) while they were tossing drinks on the ground, slopping up ice cream, giggling, just being a family.

im currently getting ready to throw my dusty sticky children in the tub and tuck them into their beds, kiss their sweet faces and say prayers.

and then i will say my own prayer to thank god that i so easily had a family and to help me please please be less hateful and much more kind.

she's bringing sassy back

more dance hits maggie style...
(ignore her mama's hoarse laugh... i have a horrid cold)

they do say the darndest things

funny sayings heard recently by my little ones


"i all fulled up of alligator" (ashton stating that he is full of gatorade)

me - what do you want for breakfast?
carson - "ummm, i will just have some chocolate" (try again buddy) "well that is all my tummy is hungry for right now." (i feel your pain bud)
ashton - "i just want ummmm.... chickee nuggets and ketsup" (please don't make me pour ketchup at breakfast time ashton) "ok, i just have sumting"


molly - "when i grow up i am going to have about 12 kids and then when it gets a little too busy i will probably get married. that way i can get a little more help and a little more money for a pool."

"are you sure there is no baby in your tummy mommy? (NO MOLLY I DO NOT) well it really sure does look like you do, i mean, im not trying to hurt your feelings, but it is really poochy mommy" (yes my friends, she asked me AGAIN and yes im still trying to run)

ashton - "you are my fwavowite mommy eber." or "i just like you now" (when he loves me)

"its too fair and its on purpose" (any time we say no... not sure what it means really)

"lammers do it" (when he does something wrong and he wants to blame the lamb)

"lammers wedy to be good now mommy" (i thought so buddy)

carson - "are you older than daddy" (yes bud, im 34 and daddy is 30) "i thought you were pretty old" (thank you bud)

maggie- "num nums muk muk kup" (feed me and get me some milk)

"up up up up up" (any time you think your going to plop down on the couch and relax for a minute in my house, think again)

and the best one this week...

ashton "maggie eating poop mom" (no ashton, that is a piece of toast

so the debates got me thinking again...

i love the media, how it is so blatantly tainted with its own love and infatuation with obama it forgets to mention the many flaws in the democratic ticket.
i fear that with the dirty tactics of the democratic party, we are fighting a very very uphill battle.
such as, fase polling results, potential voter fraud (ohio), and the media tricks. i only pray that the people of our country come to their senses and think about what is best for their families.


lets talk about senator joe biden. now he is a crackup. the media is having a great time knocking down palin, but shockingly has failed to make issues of the fine nominee joe biden. since they have forgotten to mention some of his funnies, i would be happy to. what happens if obama is unable to fulfill his term (if he is elected)? we will be left with the ultra clever biden. save our souls.

joe biden ran for president 20 years ago but unfortunately had to abandon his campaign when people found out that he had plagiarized speeches from a british politician. seriously.


joe biden described obama to the new york voter as "the first mainstream african-american who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy." when asked for a reply to that obvious gaffe, biden responded "it was meant as a compliment."


during an interview with katie couric biden made this hysterical statement about the current economic crisis. maybe someone should let him know who was president in 1929 and that TV’s were not around yet!! "when the stock market crashed, franklin roosevelt got on the television and didn't just talk about the princes of greed," Biden told couric. he said, "look, here's what happened."

when asked if he felt obama made a good choice by picking him for vp biden responded “hillary clinton might have been a better [veep] pick"

at a democratic rally joe asked the wheelchair-bound missouri politician chuck graham to "stand up" “chuck, stand up, let the people see you. oh, God love ya. what am i talking about?”


another funny “i was out in ohio," he said while fiddling with a football in his hands. "i told the folks in ohio that we'd kick ohio state's ass!" what was that?


when introducing obama to a crowd biden said, “the next president of the united states, barack america"

one of my favorites, while talking with an indian amercian supporter he told him that in delaware, “you cannot go to a 7-eleven or a dunkin’ donuts unless you have a slight indian accent.” hello?! where was that in the papers?

and when the dirty birds in the obama camp put out the ad making fun of mccain's ability to use the computer (not true, he was injured serving our country) biden himself called the ad "terrible" hey buddy it was your camp who put that ad out!?

i look forward to the debate thursday night... hope everybody watches.

it's a groove thing

my big kids (we now include ashton in that little phrase, so 1,2, and #3) started awana this week. this is an activity at the church which focuses on bible study, games, crafts, kind of like a year long vacation bible school. its once a week throughout the school year for two hours.

this means every wednesday night, its just jeff, myself and the princess. after sharing a lovely dinner with just the three of us, i went to go get the kids while he stayed home with the little misses. the pick up time is a little chaotic. well, even more chaotic when you go to your three year olds classroom and the teacher has this blank look on her face. ashton? i say, is he in the bathroom? she says, oh he must be next door. ok.... im thinking that is understandable they are both three year old rooms. no need to panic. i go next door and scan the little faces for one that looks like mine. nope. she says, he is in the room at the end of the hall.

these ladies are lucky i have four kids and my freak out meter takes a lot more pushing before it goes off. i stroll down the hallway and give his original teacher a quick look... just to check and see if she looks nervous. yes she does, just a little.
i go to the end of the hall and guess what... no kids left in that room. by now everybody has retrieved their little ones and is on their merry way. i however still have three kids to pick up.

i check down in the older kids classrooms and am started to break a sweat when i see a bunch of almost five year olds and my three year old. he is just sitting there like he belongs in that room. i tell the teacher im here for ashton, and well lo and behold she had no idea he was in her room.
she gets a little flustered and i try to bail her out by saying, at least he was here and not halfway across town. not funny. his teacher comes over and is all i dont know how he got here, i promise i will watch him better next week, oh geez. oh geez is right, i just got this kid acting likable, i would hate to lose him now.
i remained polite, better luck next week i say. we raced upstairs after the eldest two and headed home.

i guess there was a dance party happening while we were away, old school style.
these moves are impressive for somebody who is as round as she is tall.

Molly

i remember when they placed her in my arms. I was young, 26, scared and felt as if i was at the complete mercy of the nurses and doctors. i wanted to do whatever they said to make sure i didn't look so young, scared or new at all this. that all melted away when i felt the seven pound weight of her hit my chest. i lost all sense of everything except this incredible overwhelming love. i remember knowing she must be the most beautiful baby ever born, and how blessed i was to have her given to me. i immediately felt this strong desire to protect her from the world, and if i could of, i would have built a bubble and stayed inside it forever with her. i remember telling my dad "you just have no idea, i barely know her and i already love her so much." he replied "try loving her for 26 years jennifer."

i knew my husband felt the same way by far the most amazing experience any human could ever have, to hold their baby for the first time. jeff and i stayed awake for the first week taking only short naps while the other one watched her breathe. i remember being petrified that something could happen to her if one of us wasn't watching her every move. i picked her up at every stir or sound. i did everything the books tell you not to, but that my heart forced me to. she slept with me every night and i could never hold her enough during the day. i wanted to etch her features into my brain so that i would forever remember her when she was so new.

our whole world changed. i never wanted to leave her, i sobbed at the thought of returning to work. nobody knew her like i did, nobody knew what her cries meant, and nobody else would possibly have the stamina to hold her 24 hours a day like we did. how could i ever leave this little thing which had so quickly become a part of me? i truly felt (right or wrong) that she could never be as well cared for, happy, safe, content or loved unless she was with me.





i did return to work. i had three more babies. jeff started grad school and i worked a little more.
molly made friends of her own which occupy her free time.
i realized i missed her and ached to get back to how it was before life made things rushed and crazy. i find myself thinking about when she was maggie's age a lot lately. i see her in maggie and sometimes just hurt to have her that age again.
she has stayed the same little love sponge she was then, always begging for more time with me, begging for one more kiss before bed and clinging to me when i leave for work.
i vowed to spend more one on one time with my little girl before she is grown completely.
tonight was the start of it and we sat at borders until past bedtime reading magazines and drinking smoothies. she was glowing and giggling, thanking me over and over for having this time together. ugghhh the guilt over letting so many days go by with only a few minutes spent with her and a quick kiss goodnight. no more, tonight she creeped back into that little bubble where i hope she always stays.




girls night out at borders.

I just can't stop...

This really isn't meant to be a political blog, but for the next couple of months it may be sprinkled with lots of touchy posts.
for all of my friends wanting to vote democratic due to taxes and such, here is some interesting info i received today from a friend of mine.

Proposed tax changes by both candidates to take place after January 1st 2009.
1. CAPITAL GAINS TAX

MCCAIN
0% on home sales up to $500,000
OBAMA
28% on profit from ALL home sales
meaning,
If you sell your home and make a profit, you
will pay 28% of your gain on taxes.

2. DIVIDEND TAX
MCCAIN 15%
no change proposed
OBAMA 39.6%
meaning,
If you have any money invested in stock
market, IRA, mutual funds,
college funds, life insurance, retirement
accounts, or anything that pays
or reinvests dividends, you will now
be paying nearly 40% of the money
earned on taxes if Obama become president.
The experts predict that higher
tax rates on dividends and capital gains
would crash the stock market yet
do absolutely nothing to cut the deficit.

3. INCOME TAX

MCCAIN (no changes)
Single making 30K - tax $4,500
Single making 50K - tax $12,500
Single making 75K - tax $18,750
Married making 60K- tax $9,000
Married making 75K - tax $18,750
Married making 125K - tax $31,250
OBAMA
(reversion to pre-Bush tax cuts)
Single making 30K - tax $8,400
Single making 50K - tax $14,000
Single making 75K - tax $23,250
Married making 60K - tax $16,800
Married making 75K - tax $21,000
Married making 125K - tax $38,750

If Obama is elected your taxes will nearly double friends!!

4. INHERITANCE TAX

MCCAIN 0%
No change, Bush repealed this tax)

OBAMA restore the inheritance tax

How does this affect you? Many families
have lost businesses,
farms and ranches, and homes
that have been in their families
for generations because they could not
afford the inheritance tax.
Those willing their assets to loved
ones will lose them to these taxes.

NEW TAXES BEING PROPOSED BY OBAMA

* New government taxes proposed on
homes that are more than 2400 square feet
* New gasoline taxes
* New taxes on natural resources
consumption (heating
gas, water, electricity)
* New taxes on retirement accounts
and last but not least....
* New taxes to pay for socialized medicine
so we can receive the same
level of medical care as other
third-world countries!!!

check out the sources -
http://money.cnn.com/news/specials/election/2008/index.html

http://www.cnn.com/ELECTION/2008/issues/issues.taxes.html

http://elections.foxnews.com/?s=proposed+taxes
http://bulletin.aarp.org/yourworld/politics/articles/mccain_obama_offer_different_visions_on_taxes.html

http://blog.washingtonpost.com/fact-checker/candidates/barack_obama/

http://blog.washingtonpost.com/fact-checker/candidates/john_mccain/.

so my friends, it looks kind of bleak for anybody with a job if the libs get elected!
we are not a socialist country, do your research and get out and vote, esp. if you live in missouri which is still a battleground state.
just in case you were curious, here is the website of the church obama belonged to for 20 years and talked about on oprah.
www.tucc.org look up jeramiah wright... what a great mentor he must of been!!

just some pics

Nothing profound to say, just a few pics of people i love...

and because i do, im voting for her.