Monday, July 30, 2012

im just smarter

my husband selflessly volunteered to be carson's church camp counselor this week.  he will be hoofin it in the 100+ degree heat with many dirty boys in toe.  he did this for many reasons, but one of them was that i couldn't bear for both of my oldest to go away for an entire week without one of us there.  over protective, maybe.  it just put my mind at ease to know he was there, keeping an eye on them.  with the crazy heat - im so thankful he is - carson would run himself until he shriveled up into a dry heap if somebody did not remind him to stop and take a drink, and a breath.
while he is gone doing that - i am here with the three youngest.  i admit that i do not have a lot of alone time with the children.  he is always around to help, i work, and when i am home, im rarely alone.
its strange to be here solo.  nobody to bounce ideas off of, no adult to talk to, nobody to watch tv with at night when you finally get them asleep, nobody to share the parenting, housework, etc...  many of my friends do this regularly, but not me.  im pretty spoiled. don't get me wrong - i am enjoying them.  we are walking, playgrounding, shopping, swimming, baking, snacking, olympics watching and giggling.  tonight they were kind of rotten and i told them so.  when i put them to bed, i found this on my counter.

that's my mags, constantly making sure she stays front and center in my heart.  one of the rotten things she did tonight was talk sassy to ashton.  he asked me what the black lines on the road were.  i told him they were repairs.  she says "i already knew that ashton."  i said, maggie do not be mean to your brother.
she said - without pause "mom - i wasn't being mean, im just smarter."  goodness.

 i don't think this little one stands a chance... they are kind of inseparable.
 and she is already fiercely determined.
where's ashton you ask?  hiding in the house.



Wednesday, July 18, 2012

little things

Just a couple of the little things taking up all of my  time lately.  This one in particular.  But that is ok.
                                    
She forces me, sometimes against my will to sit back and just enjoy her sweetness once in awhile.  No moving, no laundry, no housework.
Just sweetness.

Sunday, July 1, 2012

and that is that.

so i have been struggling with a giant decision for the past couple of months.  a decision that would change my job, work schedule and family life.  an amazing opportunity presented itself to me recently which would allow me to finally give up night shift and weekends.  it would be a different style job in a completely different place.  it would be monday through friday, nine months a year.  no weekends, never any holidays.
but something didn't feel right.  i couldn't come to peace with it, no matter how hard i tried.


it would be monday through friday, 9-5, away from my last baby.  she would spend every day without me until dinner time.  no matter how hard i tried to convince myself it was all for the greater good, i couldn't.  i need this fleeting time with her.  i want to wake up every morning and see her and know that i have the whole day to spend with her.  in addition to that, i really do love what i do.  i love caring for patients and their families.  it scares me to leave that right now.  maybe someday, but not now.

so i turned it down.  i decided to stay put. i put that quickly disappearing baby ahead of my career. i feel settled.  and that is that.