passing judgment

holy cow i am a horrid, judgmental person. i really mean it. i judge people like im getting paid to do it. take my neighbors for example. this is when i really got struck in the face with my own hatefulness.

we have three families on my cul de sac so far. myself, my neighbors adjacent to me and a young couple we call the dinks. double income no kids. they are cute and young and seemingly wealthy, they never come out to socialize with me and my circus of children. the girl is skinny, pretty and trendy. she always looks very professional and drives a nice shiny new car. not a dusty minivan. she does not walk around in sweats with a sloppy pony tail. when she goes for a jog she is all cute and matching and she can actually run. unlike myself who probably resembles a stuck hog trying to get back to her trough.

so do i like them? no, i always assumed they were way into themselves. today their little cute dogs got loose so she yelled at me and asked if i had seen them. i had not, although my children had been poking things at them under their giant beautiful fence as recently as yesterday.

tonight i saw her pull in and i asked if she had found them, yes thanks she had.

then i started making small talk.

thats when i got slapped in my demon mean judgmental face.

she just got approved to adopt, they had to pay a fortune through a local company. they are out of savings now because they have spent everything on IVF cycles which proved unsuccessful.

she has been married two years and has spent about a year and a half of that time desperately trying to have a baby. she is sick with wanting children. she doesnt care now if they are biological or not, she just wants to become a family, like me.

ummmmm..... yikes.

i just got back from culvers with all four (and my husband to help thank goodness) while they were tossing drinks on the ground, slopping up ice cream, giggling, just being a family.

im currently getting ready to throw my dusty sticky children in the tub and tuck them into their beds, kiss their sweet faces and say prayers.

and then i will say my own prayer to thank god that i so easily had a family and to help me please please be less hateful and much more kind.