through the glass

so its been a little bit of a rough week with our youngest boy. he got frustrated outside and hit the neighbor girl on the hand with a metal shovel. he then got in very big trouble by both parents, and got his video games taken away for the week.
it was total sadness for the boy on every level.
it is very humbling to think you have a good kid on the block, and then discover he is whacking little girls with garden tools.
we talked about it and realized maybe its not all ashton's fault, but our fault also.
as far as kids go, he is very easy. he entertains himself, he gets his own snacks, and rarely asks for anything. my other children are high maintenance in that regard. they want you to read to them, talk to them, listen to their stories, fix their snacks, take them places, just be near them and attend to them - a lot. he doesn't.
so i guess, we don't. we are busy every minute of the day, so if he is happy, we let him be. he plays a lot of wii, computer and legos. he plays outside on his own, he gets poptarts and water when he is hungry.
i really started feeling guilty about this after he whopped the little girl's hand.
i really got on to him, and he cried really hard.
it made me think about all the time he spends doing things my other kids didn't at his age. maybe he wouldn't of lost his cool if i spent more time interacting with him.
i took him and maggie to gymnastics this week, like i always do. its a parent/tot class, so i go into the gym with her and hop around, sing, and be silly - just her and i. he sits in the waiting room and plays legos.
its a 45 minute class, no big deal.
this week mr. chad (the teacher)got out the parachute. we were sitting around it singing wheels on the bus when i looked up at the viewing window.
through the glass i see ashton just staring out at us. just standing perfectly still, not sad, not happy, just watching. just watching his mama play with his little sister. watching and waiting for us to be done. he isn't in any activites, he doesn't get to go to a class and play parachute with his mama. i can't even type this without getting a physical pain in my stomach.
live and learn i guess.
try harder.
do better.
don't ever look up and see a sweet face watching you through the glass again.