your knees

i heard this song that scared me the other day. the line in it went something like "i guess we're all just a phone call away from our knees"
isn't that the truth?
i mean, i see terrible things happen to families every day, i hear about things that make me shudder.
beautiful little three year old's come into urgent care with an upset tummy and leave with a giant terminal tumor in their belly. their family's lives are changed from that day forth. i get to sit back and read about it on their blog, pray for them, thank god it is not my family.
i pray to god every night. i pray for him to please keep my family safe. please keep my children, brother's, friends, and parents healthy. please please please don't let tragedy strike me.
and then i get scared, like, if he thinks im too afraid of it, please don't test me, please don't show me i can handle it.
we have had our share of sadness, my husband lost his baby sister and his father within 11 months of each other a few years ago. both were phone calls received while life was normal. one morning we were sleeping and his aunt called to say his dad had died. one night i was at work and he called me and simply said "angie died." i was getting ready to go to lunch, i was laughing with my friends. i still remember who was standing on my sides as i held the phone. i remember driving to the hospital in the middle of the night.
phone calls that bring you to your knees.
i got my own scare a couple of years ago when my dad nearly died on his birthday.
jeff and i had just gotten back from christmas shopping and my mom called. your father collapsed at the boat. he is at the hospital now, i don't know what is wrong with him. she was worried about thanksgiving dinner. and then another call on his next birthday (remember this).

but he lived! it was a miracle both times!! it was crazy and i still have my dad. my mom still has her husband. my babies still have their grandpa.
but then his doctor called my cell phone by mistake the other day after a routine cat scan.
my heart skipped a beat. i haven't thought much about it lately. he is here, i see him, he is fine.
but the doctor said his remaining aneurysms are growing. they are on his spine.
they will wait until he passes out again and then attempt to operate.

see what i mean? one phone call away from our knees.
so i preach it. i write about it every few months. love every minute. love every crazy, not exciting, not vacation, not christmas, not perfect moment minute. love the every day things.
love each other.
tell each other.

ok

i am ok with not having any more children.
i am ok with not being pregnant again.
i am ok with not holding my newborn again for that first blessed time.

i am ok with what i have been given.
i am ok with my four healthy, active beautiful children.
i am ok with having a little bit of free time for myself.

i don't feel sad when i am writing this.
i feel relief.
i feel excitement.
i feel at peace with this decision.

i watched desperate housewives last night, where the couple finds out they are pregnant with twins, after they have four children.
she was sad, she said she didnt want anymore kids, she said she didn't love those babies growing inside of her.
would that be me? of course not. would that be my husband? of course not.
we are crazy like that, we love to raise babies and have the craziness in our house.
but we are definitely both ok to move forward to the next stage of life.

we are happy to have time for each other, refocus on us, and let our children see us a little more relaxed day to day.

so i am ok to stay myhouseof6.

my babies...

molly


carson


ashton


maggie

Chloe Belle

so i do realize that my last post was about how crazy things were at our house, and how i was stressing a little. i decided (with much persuasion from my little 8 year old) that we needed a puppy to raise.
molly debated on her name for quite a while and after ruling out snowfall and cupcake, she chose chloe belle. this little poofball is a mix of a bichon and a poodle. she is crazy about the kids and follows them everywhere, much to maggie's delight.



puppy food, vet bills, potty training, chewing... but watching molly meet this little thing was priceless.

Just cute

while there is always a lot happening around this house, it seems to be getting busier lately. i have started a new job as a clinical instructor while maintaining my current job, jeff is in full force with grad school and coaching, the kids are busy with activities and school work, its just daily craziness. i realize we are not the only household with crazy schedules and lives, but it does take some deep breathing at moments.

so, my youngest keeps me laughing and remembering what is important around here.

such as, mowing the lawn in your big girl pants and tutu.

or playing quarterback at her brother's game.

i don't care how stinkin bad she is, she is still pretty yummy.