fall

i fear that fall is fast approaching us. its everywhere i look, back to school, football, jeans, long sleeves on the racks.

this affects me in a big way. my three oldest children will be starting back to school in a few weeks. molly will be returning to hawthorn hill and entering second grade. she is excited and ready to see her friends again and to have the freedom to choose her school lunches. i imagine there is something liberating about deciding if you are going to have white milk or chocolate milk, pb&j or hotdog, squirting your own ketchup, all without mom giving pointers on what goes better together.

carson is starting kindergarten. my sweet little five year old is off to make his own friends and play without me five days a week. i hate it. i so wish i lived out in the country where all of my children could just stay home and work the farm every day. nobody leaving me, my house would forever be filled with their footsteps and voices.

he is ready to go. he did say he wasn't sure if he would know everything he needed to know, but i reassured him he would be starting from the beginning, not where molly is at now.

i have done fine, except when i let him pick out his scissors yesterday. i saw him digging through all the colors and styles and i just got overwhelmed with sadness. he was so happy and chose just the right pair. the pair he would get out of his little desk every day and cut things without me. following the directions of another woman, someone who will have great impact on the rest of his life. ugghhh.

then there is number 3, ashton. he is starting preschool this year, two days a week. the child is so excited he starts to shake and giggle when we talk about it. he had to potty train before he was allowed to go, which we weren't sure he would accomplish. he sure did, all by himself. so now he too is a self proclaimed big boy. we bought him a few school supplies also, although they are not needed, he just wanted to be a part of it all. so he is armed with fresh colors and paint, a new pair of scissors and a little blue pencil box.

all of this is bittersweet, painful and joyful. i can handle it all. what im not sure about is what carson is starting tonight. full contact football.

are you kidding me???? his little body is five years old. sweet and healthy. unmarred (other than his chin which was split open this weekend in an accident with the neighbor's toy gun) and unbroken. my husband is dead set on this, not wavering. pop warner football is a right of passage for a boy. real practices, real games, real helmets, cleats, pads and even cheerleaders.

probably even a real mean coach who will yell and holler at my beautiful son. what if he gets seriously injured i ask? he won't. what if he gets heat stroke? he won't. don't be one of those kind of moms he keeps telling me.

well, its a good thing i work every weekend and can't make it to watch his games. im ill at the thought of it. may those pads be strong and unbreakable.

gratitude

it's amazing and humbling to be surrounded by so many people who are so generous and thoughtful. when i woke today (my actual bday) my parents were at my house waiting for me with a big white birthday cake and ice cream. my children were surrounding me with little gifts my sweet husband had drug them out to get. my email had a special card from a dear
friend who took the time to remember me.

when i got to work, my friends had thrown together a delicious meal. roasted chicken, green beans with potatoes and bacon, rolls, garden fresh salad, fruit, veggies/dip, and brownies.

they also brought me coffee, creamer, a special filter for out fancy coffee pot here, a planner, a yummy candle, and pens. to top it off everyone signed a card that my good friend allison had
hand stamped. its beautiful... im trying to figure out if i can frame it and put it up somewhere.

i mean, you have to understand, these people all worked last night and have to work again tonight. that means they gave up their sleep to cook and shop for me. im just overwhelmed with gratitude. my life is full of blessings.

thank you family, thank you girls for making my 34th year start off so great.

perfectly delayed in 3 weeks

as many of you may know, my 14 month old is not walking yet. as a nurse i understand the cut off is 15 months, and then you are considered to have a delay.

i guess i am so filled with pure and utter love for this child that i can't even fathom the thought that she could have a problem. even writing about it makes me laugh. her little chubby legs do work, its her sassy spoiled brain that won't allow them to carry her robust body across the floor.

i do realize her chances of meeting the deadline would increase if her soft little feet touched the ground more often. but how could they? she is just so sweet and cuddly to carry around, and she loves it. when i set her down, hoping for a few minutes that she might entertain herself with the toys-r-us amount of toys surrounding her, she just looks at me and reaches those sweet little hands up to me. if i dare ignore the princess, she starts scooting towards me with her pink little lips all pushed out pouting and sassing me. so i pick her up. if i don't, her sister will. if she doesn't, her father will, and then they will hand her to me.

my pediatrician doesn't necessarily agree with this parenting style. he seems to think they need to start learning things at the tender young age of 10 months.

well, i gotta tell ya, he could be right. he seems to be pretty smart. he did point out that my three year old is a pound and a half overweight. rats. he asked how much milk he is drinking a day, and my husband responded, about 7-10 sippy cups a day. WHOOOAA he says.
well hoover damn.
lets try to cut that back to three a day. ok, so that does sound more reasonable. that could cut down my nine gallons of milk a week a little. glad he didn't ask how much the others were drinking.
anyhow... the countdown is on. 21 days to go.

turning 34

so i am turning 34 on saturday. its a big deal because this is middle 30's. im a grown up now.
im working all weekend during my birthday, so my husband and i went out today to celebrate.
my choice, so i picked going to the mall to see my beloved "lush" store in person, and then out to dinner. i do so love that store, it's my toy store. they have all sorts of soaps, shampoos, body butters, salt scrubs, chapsticks, bubble baths, you name it. and its all vegan, all natural and smelly. its like my favorite sort of thing on this planet.
so fun. the person working there was flamboyantly gay, and loved the products as much as i did.
jeff did really well listening to him describe them all, how to use them, until he went into detail about the big blue calm jelly which he loved to just freeze and then rub right on his skin. no loofah, nothing, just the cool coconut smelling jelly and his skin. it was then that i was smiling and nodding and jeff suddenly jetted on me. hey babe, its my birthday, so get back over here and enjoy the story.
he encouraged me to pick out a couple of things i would normally never ever buy for myself.
a 10 dollar bar of soap? but i did and i love it. we then went to eat at some place called wil jenny's, of course i had to try my namesake. it was good, tex-mex, fairly cheap. i felt guilty about not working out, so when we got home i made jeff's mom stay a while longer and then made him go for a walk with me. all in all, a great birthday with my hubby. i guess the kids and i will celebrate with cake later.
oh and amy - fyi - i did go into sephora. jeff was there to provide me support. it was not all i imagined. 90 dollar face cream, 30 dollar chapstick, 200 dollar curling irons. and the girls working were very tall, skinny, dressed in black and their hair was slicked back real hateful.
they did not make me feel happy and cozy, just nervous, fat and target/walmartish.
now the boy at lush, however, he was way fun and didn't care a bit that i was carrying a diaper bag and wearing jean capris.

Our beginning

So after much debate I decided to try and record some of the moments of my hectic life. I have a hard time holding a pen correctly (left handed - old - never learned), so I am hoping I will be more willing to type it out. My husband does think this is a silly idea, but he also dislikes reality tv, so I am going to go ahead with it.

To give a starting point (my version of the first page of my scrapbook) I will try and describe where we are at now.

Myself, nearly 34 years OLD. Currently working weekend option as a nurse. I'm trying to make myself younger and healthier by working out several time a week. I will also let you know how that is going.

My husband, nearly 30 years YOUNG. He currently holds a degree in electrical - computer engineering. No job - which is ok, more on that later. He is young and healthy, has always worked out and played sports. I hope to catch up some day.

My oldest daughter Molly, 7 1/2, going on 20. Beautiful, tall, long blonde hair, sweet loving, crazy smart, who could ask for anything more? Well I could, which is why I decided to hop right onto having child number 2.

My second, a son, Carson, who is nearly 6 years old. Handsome, onery, loving, athletic, tall, has a lot of "Hazen" qualities.

We were pretty busy, so took a long break from having babies and waited until Carson was all of 2 years old and decided to have Ashton. God may have decided to send us Ashton prior to us deciding to have him, but none the less, we wanted him.

Number 3. Ashton just turned 3. Strong willed, darling, white blond curls, hysterically funny,
loves cars like a nascar mechanic must. He has given us lots of practice on our love and logic parenting skills. We are I believe winning.

Things were crazy, we were out of space in our little split level house, one income, so we decided that must be a perfect time to have number four. And it was.

Number 4 is baby Maggie. 14 months old. White blonde curls, giant blue eyes, dimples. Delicious little chubby arms. Sass. Lots and lots of sassiness!!!! She is the fourth and final, so she is indeed spoiled rotten, and whooooaaa, a little sassy. But we love her so.



So that is our beginning. All of us here and growing together. My goal is to keep track of our moments, so I can remember then later in life when I am not all there anymore because of the four of them.