sister or brother?

according to my doctor, we are on the two week countdown to find out what this sweet bundle is going to be. i took the girls shopping today and after much debate they voted on a girl and a boy outfit for the new sibling.

my bag is half way packed, the baby has something to wear home from the hospital, and i have finished my three classes at once. i think i can relax and get excited for my last trip down the highway and up that elevator to the third floor. its almost surreal to think that i get to have that experience all over again. i remember lying in the hospital bed waiting on maggie to make her way into the world and just trying to soak up the moment, trying to permanently implant the room, the monitor, the tiny hat and white t-shirt, the warmer, all of it into my brain. now i get it once more. that first glimpse of their face, the feeling of their skin on mine and that intoxicating smell of their hair.
i don't think jeff or i feel we could be any more blessed.

sweating the small stuff.

there are a multitude of things i worry about daily in life, coming from a long line of worriers, it just comes natural to me.
while pregnant, this tendency just amplifies. i wanted this in writing, so when this baby comes, i can look back and realize there was really nothing to worry about. right?

i worry that the baby will come before 38 weeks, in which case, i will not be ready.
i worry that i will not complete all of my work for graduate school prior to this baby coming.
i worry that i won't have time to wash my bedding every week, and i love clean bedding.
i worry that when i go on maternity leave my paychecks will be cut by a huge chunk.
i worry something will happen to my husband. irrational kind of worry.
i worry that i will not get to shower daily and i will be greasy.
i worry that because i am greasy, i will not have friends anymore.
i worry about not having enough one on one time with my other four children.
i worry about not having any personal time at all.
i worry i will be paralyzed by my epidural. again, irrational worry.
i worry that my varicose veins won't go away this time.
i worry that i might be sad that i won't be pregnant anymore. crazy, i realize.
i worry i will not have my bag packed in time, or anything for the baby to wear home from the hospital.


that sums up all of the things i worry about on a daily basis. most of them just circulate through my head like a ticker throughout the day.

don't get me wrong, im overjoyed and excited to meet this gift from god, i just hope im not so worried about silly things that i don't take time to embrace it.

my table is full

maggie asked me this morning why our neighbors had so many chairs at their kitchen table, but only two children. i said, i guess they were done after two maggie. she then pointed out that our kitchen table has six chairs, and we don't have any more chairs, but we are having another baby.
hmmm.
my table is full.
but im going to find room for another body to sit.
my house doesn't have anymore bedrooms either.
but im going to find room for one more little head to sleep.
the funny thing is, kids don't care about how big the table is, or how big the house is. they don't care about how much money we make, or how many opportunities we offer them. they really only want us. they want our time and our attention. they want to have a mom and dad who light up when they walk through the door. parents who pour their love out with every hug.
i love that my dinner table will be crowded. i even love that it will have spilled milk, giggling, messes and noise. i know that one day when it is just jeff and i sitting at the table, we would give anything for one more messy meal.
i can't create a nursery for this baby, or even more space at our table. this little one will just squeeze right in and our lives will be more fully blessed because of it.

chores

today was my only day off this week. i now have grad school two nights a week and work three, so wednesday is my free day. sunday i am off too, but im usually strung out and all messed up trying to flip back around, so while it is a day off, it is mostly spent with my family trying to hide from me.
jeff and i worked all day around the house and yard. i went shopping all by myself for plants while he cleaned house. after maggie got out of preschool we had lunch and then went to play in the garden. jeff weeded and tilled, mixed in manure and had it all ready for me. i planted tomatoes, green beans, peppers, squash, you name it. maggie was being so sweet, just handing me things and digging for worms. she started to water before i was finished and i said, "oh maggie - don't do that yet - it will get muddy sweetie."
she looks at me in her little pink sunglasses and says "mommy, you need to not be so naggy and traumatic with me. you are always so traumatic over the littlest things."

please. i believe she meant dramatic, but point taken from my three year old.

while we were planting, jeff was busy cleaning out the cars and garage. he did pull a full value meal worth of food from the cars, many lost socks and cleaned melted gum out of the cup holder. yummy.
he got the garage in tip top shape which makes me happy like nothing else. to the point the floor was shining. i don't know why, but when i walk into a clean garage it makes my heart swell three sizes.
it was beautiful and in fact, all i wanted for mother's day.
by now the big kids were home from school and we started barking chores at them.
carson was to poop scoop while molly cleaned the kitchen.

so, jeff is finished and going to pull the van back in the garage. he hits the opener and as the garage door is rising he sees carson walking into the garage from the kitchen. he has his target bag full of poop in one hand that he has brought in from the back yard. he tries to be funny and swing it around really fast in a circle. mmmhhhmm.
so as jeff is watching, the bag explodes and dog poops covers my sparkling garage.
everywhere.
awesome.

confidence

you know you have done at least one thing right in the parenting book when your children are brave enough to stick up for themselves. last night jeff took ashton to soccer while i took maggie to gymnastics. molly and carson chose to go to soccer because there is an outdoor playground there. while ashton was practicing they were outside playing. jeff said there was an older boy out there being a bully to all the other kids on the playground. he kept throwing a ball at their stomach, chest, head and then yelling - think fast. one girl went in crying. he laughed when molly got friction burn on her hands after sliding down the metal pole. he then chose to throw the ball at carson. it hit him in the stomach and he yelled - think fast. carson picked up the ball and zinged it at the boy's head. the boy ran up and pushed carson.
carson pushed him back and knocked him to the ground. he didn't say a word, just looked at the bully. the bully then got up and ran inside. ha. i will always be in support of my child defending themselves and their siblings. not taking the aggressive side, but defensive is perfectly acceptable in my book.

at the same time, maggie and i were at a different playground waiting for her gymnastics to start. she went to climb through a tunnel, but two big chunky older girls were laying across it blocking the way. they told her, sorry - no room we are in here and you can't come through. she turned to me and said, those girls are being mean mommy. i said, yes some girls are nice and some are mean. she went back to the tunnel and the girls wouldn't budge. maggie shoved her head in and climbed right over the top of them. stepping her little boots across them the whole way. she got to the other side and exclaimed - i made it! ha.

ch - ch - chia

so im always on the hunt for the next most nutritional thing i can sneak in my family's food. it is now chia. as in the chia pet. the seeds are a nutritional powerhouse boasting more calcium than milk, more iron than beef liver, more antioxidants than blueberries, more omega 3's than salmon, and so on. they also hold 9 times their weight in water, so you can put a tablespoon in 4 oz of water and make a gel within 5 minutes.
chia gel, yummy. you can mix it with milk and have instant chia pudding. it just kind of looks like frog eggs.
i got mine from amazon today and made super healthy and surprisingly yummy chia chocolate chip cookies.

my recipe is as follows:

2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour (i use white whole wheat)
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup oats
1/2 cup chia gel (about 1 tbs chia to 4 oz water - let soak x 5 minutes)
1/2 cup fat free plain greek yogurt
3/4 cup granulated sugar
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 large eggs
2 cups (12-oz. pkg.) chocolate chips (i used half a bag)
3 Tbs chia seeds - more if your willing - i started with about 3-4.

mix first four ingredients in one bowl, mix next 6 ingredients in separate bowl.
add chocolate chips and dry chia seeds and stir. if mixture looks too wet, add another handful of oats. this is how i bake.
spoon them onto cookie sheets and bake for about 10-15 minutes.



my next plan is to serve them in oatmeal and sneak them into my flax/oat brownies. i have been told you can cut the hair right off your chia pet and toss it in your salad also. hmmm....

just in time for st. pat's day

this is one of those recipe's you either love or hate. it reminds me of my grandma's house. we would pile around her kitchen table and fill up on these little bites of heaven.

Grandma Katie's Cabbage Rolls

1 large head cabbage - core removed
2 lbs ground beef
2 c. white rice
1 large onion, chopped finely
2 large cloves garlic, minced
1 T salt
pepper to taste
2 meduim cans (app. 12 oz) tomato paste
1 large can (28 oz) ground or pureed tomatoes

Fill a big pot with water and place your cabbage head in. Bring the water to a boil and, as the leaves turn green, remove them from the head of cabbage layer by layer. Return the cabbage for the next layer or two and so forth. Save the broken leaves for lining the cooking pot. You can remove the thick veins to make rolling easier.
Brown your beef and drain - saving a little for flavor. Add your onion to the beef and cook a little more.
Combine the beef, rice, garlic, salt and pepper in a bowl. Line a stockpot with the outermost leaves. Take the leaves and leaves fill with a scoop or so of mixture. Starting from one long end, roll the leaf, tucking in the sides as you go. Layer the rolls on top of one another in the stockpot. With a whisk, combine the tomato paste and puree with one large can full of water. Pour the tomatoes over the rolls and add enough water to just cover the rolls. Bring the mixture to a boil, then reduce the heat, cover and let simmer for about an hour.