2010

each year in this house brings on some new change or event. 2010 has proved to be no different. i think that jeff and i have the same philosophy to just do our best and go along for the ride that god has planned for us.
about a month ago, i got some shocking news by way of a positive pregnancy test. it was shocking, exciting, alarming and life changing. i was scared and emotionally overwhelmed with this news. i didn't really process it for about a week. i called the doctor and made an appointment a couple weeks later. we went in, she calmed me down but then said she should do an ultrasound to see if this was a viable pregnancy at all. sometimes it is common when you have been on birth control and are a little older to have a blighted ovum. we went right over for the ultrasound and got ready for the tiny little picture on the screen, the tiny little beating heart. i thought, once i see that i will be ok.
but there was no beating heart.
there was a tiny little place where the baby should be, but no baby or heartbeat.
so now, i process something totally different. something i was in shock over and hadn't even fallen in love with was gone that fast? jeff was silent.
he told me not to stress, it was in god's hands. yes, i was aware of that.
we were told to wait a week and come back, they would try again for the small chance that maybe it just didn't show up. the ultrasound tech was not very encouraged, she seemed sure that we would have seen something.
wait a week. go to work. go to school. raise my children. don't speak of this to anyone for fear of what they may or may not say.
over the weekend there was lots of signs that the pregnancy might not last. the doctor had me come back in to see if my blood levels were dropping. they weren't, they were ok.
have hope, don't have hope.
the next week came and we went back to that ultrasound room. she put it on and again saw nothing.
she said, just wait and let me see again.
then there it was. a baby, a heartbeat. tiny and strong. my baby. my baby i didn't fall in love with until that moment.
and then maggie puked all over the ultrasound room and her daddy. (perfect timing for a little tummy bug to make its presence known)
again, in our fashion excitement and drama.

so yes friends and family, that is my story, my news. it has been stressful, sad, and ultimately happy. we are ready for this and know that it will only add more fun and excitement to our already over flowing cups.

you can't take her anywhere take 2. or a hundred.

went to wal-mart today to pick up a few last minute things for christmas. i had maggie with me. we were waiting in the check out line when the very elderly checker came to our line. he was getting ready to open up the register next to us and said "i can help you over here." he began very very slowly shuffling over. he is probably 80 years old if i were to guess, very tall and very frail.
maggie got really excited and started jumping up and down. she chased him down and looked at him and said "mommy look - a real LIVE zombie!" she followed him into his lane and proceeds to yell "mommy im not kidding, its a real zombie, look look!"
i suppose in her eyes his slow shuffling with his arms held out for balance, his pale skin and thing frame might of appeared a little like a zombie.
i didn't know what to do but put my head down and beg her not to talk anymore.

christmas time is coming...

we have driven through christmas in the park, been to a christmas cantata and spent the day at my work christmas party today.
jeff and i have shopped our hearts out, hung the garland, trimmed the tree and there is even snow outside.
i am lucky enough to have three of my four still believing in santa this year. molly used her engineering mind to figure out that is just not a possibility, but is playing it up well for the others. she was even kind enough to go see santa with them today, but when he asked what she wanted she didn't really have an answer.
ashton was nervous and got really into it. he wanted legos, kung zhu zhu pets and a new night lite. maggie bounded onto santa's lap and let him know she only wanted a new baby this year. easy. i couldn't hear carson, but think he said zhu zhu pets also. fine.
the best part of the day was when we were walking out. ashton grabbed my hand and said mama i love you. i said i love you too buddy. he said this was really fun.
yep ashton, it was. he says - do you know what was the most fun thing about it?
what buddy? we got to pick just what we wanted.
i know that doesn't really mean anything to most people, but it tore me up. i just can't believe he thought that was such a big thing, picking his soda, picking his craft, his snack, his book. maybe he doesn't get a say in things very often, just goes with the flow of what the older ones want or the really loud one wants.
he sure will now.