seasons

i went to the doctor today. my ob. the office i have been dozens of times for prenatal checkups. i have walked into that waiting room and sat in those chairs so many times anxiously awaiting the chance to hear my babies heartbeat for the first time, to see their little hands waving on the ultrasound. i have always been filled with overwhelming joy during those appointments. even with the weight gain, the leg vein issues, the nausea. i loved every second of being pregnant. i loved that moment when you realize you could be and you start taking tests. i love taking the faint little line to my husband and both of us scrutinizing it. the late night runs to the store for more tests. the first doctor's appointment in which she smiles and tells us congratulations. i love feeling my baby move, kicking and letting me know they are alive and well in there. i love wearing maternity clothes, having total strangers smile when they see your big baby belly. i love anticipating the birth. i love when it starts getting close and you know that any day you will meet your new little one. wondering who they will look like, how much they will weigh, what we will name them. bar none the best feeling in the world is when you husband sees the baby for the first time and tells you he/she is perfect. holding that baby you have created for the first time and feeling their weight in your arms. kissing their sweet head and feeling that perfect newborn skin. its amazing, no drug could ever give you that high, that sheer happiness felt at that moment. i love taking them home for the first time and just curling up in bed with them. staring at them and trying to memorize everything about them. clothes shopping, toy shopping, watching the siblings kiss and love on them. i love it all so much. today i went to my ob to start the process of making certain that never happens again. its horrible. i feel like a part of my life is being robbed from me. she assures me i will feel excited and happy about it when its done. i said, i don't know - i really really like having babies. she said, i know, but i promise you will be happy. right now im not too happy about it. i know there are seasons to life, and i feel like my spring is being taken away for good. i don't mean to sound ungrateful. i know we are over the top lucky to have five healthy children. im just being honest. i know good people who can't have even one child, how dare i get sad over not being about to have a sixth! its crazy talk i know. i will get over this, like everything else. this baby who is currently sleeping in my arms just might not ever be put down again.

kale hummus

ok, so you know i am crazy for anything healthy i can stuff in my children and husband.
i have been on a kale kick lately, and have now come up with new recipe the whole family loves.

kale hummus

1 bunch organic kale
1 tablespoon minced garlic
1 lemon, zested and juiced
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp pepper
1/2 tsp crushed red pepper
2 cans garbanzo beans (one drained, one not drained)

saute the kale with the garlic in a big skillet. i put a little olive oil in mine.
when it is shrinking down, toss in the lemon zest and lemon juice. empty the two cans of garbanzo beans into your blender. i drain one, leave the juice in one. toss in the kale/garlic/lemon mixture. add the salt, peppr and crushed red pepper, you can adjust to taste. blend until smooth! serve with pita chips, veggies or whatever your family likes.

enjoy - kale is full of good cancer fighting nutrients which are enhanced when mixed with the lemon and garlic. this is a snack you will feel great about feeding your family!

game on, part 3

things are going so so with maggie. i have my on days, and my not so on days. i have let her slip a few times today. where my focus has been is on my second oldest. we have noticed that he kind of rolls through life just seeing what good can come his way, and not so much what good he can send other's way. today we had a long chat about siding with your friends instead of your family. he tends to join in on his buddy's point of view, even if it means ganging up on his little brother. his daddy explained to him very clearly that isn't how we roll in this house. family is first, far and above. you stick up for your siblings. no argument.
its so funny to me that you can raise your children in the same house, in pretty similar ways, and they all turn out so different. my oldest is so great about sticking up for her little siblings, for always wanting to please us, to do the right thing, because she knows it is the best choice - even though it is not the easy choice. this always applies to sticking up for what is right on the bus, at school - wherever it may be. you don't just stand back when people are picking on somebody. it is an inborn character trait she possesses. i gave her a quote i read once that says "why try so hard to fit in, when you were made to stand out." the girl is really trying to live by that.
we are teaching the other kids these traits, and i sure hope it sinks in eventually. i think i am learning along the way that being a good parent is hard work. it is much harder work than any thing i do at the hospital or college that results in an actual paycheck. it would be so much easier to just let them immerse themselves in video games, tv, books, whatever their vice is. it is hard work to show them how to be productive little members of our household. it is hard work to enforce punishments when they have messed up. sometimes it is also hard work to just be fully engaged with them when you are tired and would rather just veg out with a magazine or play on pinterest.
i am again finding myself so grateful that i have a husband at home to help me with these things. i can't imagine trying to keep up with just the daily tasks, and then attempt to do the really good, hard parenting on top of them by myself. even with two people working at it there are often times we get tired and get lazy. we just keep trying. it seems some days we fill them with more criticism than compliments. when we have a cruddy day and we really mess up - we say our prayers at night and ask for help to do better the next day.

game on, part 2

keepin it real. day two down of maggie boot camp. i think things are going better than i expected. she went to time out once today for a little meltdown. she then hopped up and knew it was time to be nice again. she did cry a couple of times tonight, but i did give her a tiny bit of leeway with her cast, the rain, no swim lessons like the siblings, tired... etc. i feel bad when it is raining and she is locked up indoors. then when the rain stops and everyone runs out to play, she can't because her cast might get wet. i think we have a ways to go, but we are on the right path. i bought a new cinderella cup for her, and told her yesterday if she didn't need any time outs today she would get a little surprise. she made it until 5 pm, went to time out and i could honestly tell her "that's sad, i hope you can get it tomorrow night." delayed gratification. something we are pretty bad at over here, but working towards.
i also threw the other kids under the love and logic bus tonight. i told them, "i leave for swim lessons in 14 minutes. i do hope you will all be dressed, with towels and in the van then." i hopped in the van right on time, of course miss molly was already there reading her book. ashton looked up from the driveway and busted it up to his room to change, ran down with the wrong shirt on inside out and no jacket (it was chilly tonight). i said, "glad you caught me buddy." carson had got himself dressed already, but was at the neighbors playing ball. i backed out of the driveway and he sprinted to catch me. im sure the neighbors thought i was being mean, but that is ok. my kids will learn to get themselves ready and out the door on time when it is really important in their lives to do so.
it was still chaos here before bed. im not sure i can fix that - just a lot of happy bodies chattering and hungry from swimming. i just need to tune out the excess noise and roll with it sometimes.

on another note, i found out today a girl i know has just been delivered the blow of a lifetime. her two year old son was diagnosed with renal cancer. please keep this sweet family in your prayers, as will i. it just reaffirms that if God has blessed me so greatly to have five children, five healthy and active children, he must have a plan in place for them. that means it is my responsibility to raise them to be able to fulfill that plan. no halfway parenting, to give it my all. all while keeping in mind i am only human, of course.

game on

there was a day when i raised my children the love and logic way. this means that when they exhibited behavior that their dad or i did not approve of, i would say a catch phrase like "that's sad, looks like we need a little bedroom time." they knew that i would then either lead them by the hand kindly, or take them kicking and screaming to their room and close the door. when they were calm, they could come back out and try again. it was up to them. i remember several times i had to physically hold the door shut to keep carson contained, but after a couple days of hard core love and logicing, he got it. they also get lots of choices, to empower themselves. it teaches them responsibility to better prepare them for the real world. if they choose to wear shorts and a tee shirt when its january and 10 degrees outside, so be it. when they come home from school sad that they couldn't go to recess, and their fingers are frozen from the bus stop to our door, i would tell them i really felt bad for them, then ask them what they thought might work better to wear tomorrow.

i once let ashton go to preschool without shoes, because i told him the van left at 8:45, i hoped he would be in it and ready to go then. he chose to play around, not eat breakfast, and not get his shoes on. when i got in the van and started it up promptly at 8:45, he hopped in so i would not leave him.
half way there he said, oh no i forgot my shoes mom. i said, well buddy that is really sad - i hope tomorrow you will remember. i took him in barefoot and he had to stay the whole day like that. he then started getting ready. he knew i meant business. carson had to go to bed without dinner a few times because he chose to not eat what i served the family. his dad told him very sincerely he was sorry, but he could look forward to a nice big breakfast, all he wanted. he is still working on the not so picky skill.

somewhere along the way, i went from being really energetic with my parenting, to half way parenting. i still love them, feed them and clothe them, i just have been slacking on the teaching responsibility part. this is clearly evidenced by my beautiful free spirited four year old. she throws fits, screams, stomps, the whole enchilada when she doesn't get her way. i just turn my head. sometimes she does it so much i get frustrated and yell at her. sometimes i just give in to her.
what am i teaching her? nothing! to act horrid and expect a payout. i do not like being around kids who act like that, not even my own.

well miss goldilocks, im sorry to say, but mama has new found strength. i am back on the bandwagon of parenting with both my head and my heart. i am starting tonight with the love and logic i used to believe in. i simply do not have time for terrible spoiled children. i also fear there may be a mini goldilocks in the making, so i better get a handle on both these little beauties while i still can.