Stress Free

A homework assignment I read tonight, written by my firstborn.


Stress Free
I can be rather worrisome and stressful. That is why, by the end of this year I want people to think of me as stress free. I think that by being stress free I could be a better student, daughter, sister, and friend. Besides by stressing over the littlest things, the people around me mentally note that I would not be good in a crisis. That is why I need to be stress free.
One thing I need to work on in order to be stress free is to quit worrying about every single possibility. I need to understand that whatever happens is what happens, because there is no time machine to go back and fix it. I also need to lighten up about whatever happens, because I can deal with it. Walking around stressed will get me nowhere in life. One more thing I need to accomplish in order to be stress free is the ability to live in the moment.
Another thing that I feel I am struggling with is the self-control to let go of little, unimportant, things. To master this skill, I need to focus on bigger things such as family and religion. I also need to recognize that the past is unchangeable and the present is what I need to focus on. I have decided to make this my motto; “Yesterday was the past, tomorrow is the future, today is a gift, that is why it is called the present. But I will still remember my old motto; “Dream as though you will live forever, live as though you will die tomorrow.”
One last thing I need to work on to be considered stress free is being able to cherish every last moment .That is the meaning of stopping to smell the roses, which I consider an important life skill. I also have to enjoy the life of a kid, as it will not last forever. Truly understanding the people around you is also very important. I also need to slow down.
By the end of this year I want people to think of me as stress free. One last reason I want to be stress free is because if I stress too much I will get stomach ulcers (yikes!). If I was stress free I would have a clearer mind, and with that, the sky is the limit. The people around me will trust me more because I will be able to keep a clear head in a crisis if I were stress free. That is why this year, my word is stress free.
as written by Molly Wooster

stringent

so when you take something for granted, it really hits you in the face when reality strikes. my sweet molly recently scored high enough on her spelling test to advance to the class spelling bee. she did this last year, if you remember and made it all the way to the county bee as a fourth grader. she also made it pretty far in the county bee, getting out when there were only a handful of crazy smart private school type kids left.
she did not just assume she would win the class bee, she studied several nights preparing for it. these were the same words as last year, so it wasn't a lot of work for her to memorize them.
i knew when she got off the bus, walking slow with her head hanging what had happened. immediate tears as she fell into her daddy and just sobbed. poor baby girl.
the word she missed was the very first round. stringent. she has never missed that word. it has never even gotten a second thought from us, she spits it out every time.
honestly, she is like a robot going through them, just firing them off, one after another, amazing.
she said she got up there and started to spell it and the boys in her class starting giggling at her. the teacher had to stop them, and then she just repeated the in again... a no no for spelling bees. no repeating, no do overs. so she was out.
rats.
no big deal in the grand scheme of life, but huge to a fifth grade sensitive bookworm.
the girl has hives from crying so hard. i dont know what to tell her, but to tell her we love her no matter what, and this just wasn't the plan for this year.
i might be a tiny bit relieved we don't have to study for the next three months... but not enough to watch her cry.
there is no greater pain my heart feels, then when i think about my kids hurting, getting laughed at, or feeling disappointment. all necessary growing pains, i realize... reminds me when i would get hurt as a child and my mom would flinch in pain herself, saying it was like a knife twisting in her stomach. i get it now mom.

Two things

Grandpa and his baby.




Christmas tree made out of the hands and feet of my babies.


That's all. Just two sweet things that made me smile today.

Annie's birth

no matter what happens in this crazy busy life, this is what is is all about. it is these moments that make everything worthwhile.

expectations

i knew i had over extended myself long ago when i made several decisions that would shape the remainder of this year and next. it was completely and totally my choice to get my masters, decide to continue on with my mba, teach and work. it was my choice to be away from my family as much as i am. that being said, i do have an amazing husband who can manage the five beings without complaint. he has hauled them to football, to school, to the dentist, to the store... you name it.
i recently went from monday night to thursday afternoon without so much as laying eyes on my three oldest children. i miss them with my whole being when i am away so much, start doubting the importance of what i am doing, and my own priorities. when i get time with them, i have such high expectations that i often mess up.
tonight for example, i was going to be home with four of them so i wanted to be super fun and involved. i looked up crafts on the Internet and decided to make angel dough.
it is a mix of baby oil and flour. it makes a silky soft dough that smells wonderful and is wonderful on the skin.
fun!
i mixed it up and got a greasy concoction that was similar to moon dough. crumbly and messy. while the older were good about not being too messy, at one point i heard maggie singing - its raining ice cream. wheeeeeee its raining. awesome.
so i am trying to clean up oily flour crap while hold a baby who is hungry and tired.
so instead of being fun, i end up saying something really loving like,
don't worry kids - i'll clean up all this mess, you just go play video games, i will remember this at allowance time. don't you worry - the maid will get everything. could i get you some snacks now?
probably not the best idea to expect your four, six and ten year olds to act like 30 year olds.

addendum to the post... right after typing it my 10 year old came to me and said, mom im sorry i didn't help you clean up tonight. here, let me take the baby so you can finish what your doing.
my heart runneth over.

Leaving

in less than 23 hours i will be back at work. one would honestly think that this would get easier after five children. you could even imagine i would be happy to go be around adults, get a real lunch break, get to do something out of the house.
well, i would like to be completely honest here, since it is my blog, and meant to be a scrapbook of sorts for me to read later, when the memories of all these things are faded.
its not easier. it is horrible. it hurts all the way down to my core, i cry my eyes out every time i think about it, and now it is like a giant clock counting down over my head. one more night. i have had this sweet little baby attached to me for the past eight weeks, non stop. i hold her all day long, i feed her all day and night, if i set her down, its only until i can quickly do whatever i needed to do, just to go grab her up again.
i know this is it. i know this is the last time i will experience all of this. i have already scheduled things with my ob to make this a permanent decision, without my control.
i cried the day we got home from the hospital, because i could already feel it going too quickly, i missed the pregnancy, even then. i ached to put her back inside, to keep this experience just a little longer.
i have not rushed this newborn stage, not for a second. not for one sleepless night or tiring day. she is growing and i can't stop her. she changes every day and i have already lost the tiny squishy newborn.
its not just annie though. they are each growing and changing at lightning speed.
it is just my nature to want to slow it all down. i know there are even better things ahead, i know life is full of new exciting adventures for us. im just not ready for this part to be over.
i know that when i return to work, life will move even faster. i will soon be gone four or five day a week again, and she will grow. she will grow and change when i am gone. her newborn scent will be gone. her tiny stretches and yawns.
i can't lie and say its ok, because right now its terribly sad for me.
i can thank god that i don't have to leave monday through friday and drop her into the hands of a daycare provider. i can thank god that my husband, who loves her just as much as i do will be holding her while i am away.
and that, is about all the silver lining i can find right now.

random thoughts

life has become quite the whirlwind around here! not much time for writing down my thoughts. currently, i sit and type while balancing my now 5 week old on my lap. the windows are open and i can here my youngest boy playing tag. maggie and car are at football practice with their daddy. maggie is fighting croup and i don't like being left at home with her and the baby, just too hard to keep germs separated. molly is sitting outside with her friend discussing how she has decided to become a vegetarian while they crochet. she has become a grown up over night.
my days sometimes feel like the movie ground hog day, where he wakes up and every day is the same. i wake up, feed the baby, try to get her to nap, feed, rock, feed, until bedtime when i do the same thing, just in the dark.
there is the mingling of other children, chores and events in there, but annie surely gets the bulk of my time. all that will be changing very soon when i return to school, work and teaching. i once again am over scheduled, but in december i will be done with both school (for good) and clinicals. it causes me a little anxiety to know that i will be gone mondays, tuesdays, wednesdays, every other thursday, friday and saturday.
hard to type actually. that leaves me sunday for family. i will miss these days of nothing and my baby being a permanent fixture in the crook of my arm. i love being here with the family, the stress, the mess, the noise, the fighting, all of it. its really better than any life i could have ever dreamed of, silly but true.
its just going to be for two months. i can do anything for two months. feel like im saying that a lot lately!
one more thought i wanted to record for my own benefit. i have learned that this time doesn't keep, it doesn't last. every day that seems like an eternity blurs into the past, so quickly. i am watching right now when my soon to be 11 year old is sitting out there crocheting with her friends. wasn't she the baby on my lap only moments ago? i vow to stop worrying so much about barbies and legos on the floor, and just be thankful there are still little ones around to play with them.