and that is that.

so i have been struggling with a giant decision for the past couple of months.  a decision that would change my job, work schedule and family life.  an amazing opportunity presented itself to me recently which would allow me to finally give up night shift and weekends.  it would be a different style job in a completely different place.  it would be monday through friday, nine months a year.  no weekends, never any holidays.
but something didn't feel right.  i couldn't come to peace with it, no matter how hard i tried.

it would be monday through friday, 9-5, away from my last baby.  she would spend every day without me until dinner time.  no matter how hard i tried to convince myself it was all for the greater good, i couldn't.  i need this fleeting time with her.  i want to wake up every morning and see her and know that i have the whole day to spend with her.  in addition to that, i really do love what i do.  i love caring for patients and their families.  it scares me to leave that right now.  maybe someday, but not now.

so i turned it down.  i decided to stay put. i put that quickly disappearing baby ahead of my career. i feel settled.  and that is that.