expectations

i knew i had over extended myself long ago when i made several decisions that would shape the remainder of this year and next. it was completely and totally my choice to get my masters, decide to continue on with my mba, teach and work. it was my choice to be away from my family as much as i am. that being said, i do have an amazing husband who can manage the five beings without complaint. he has hauled them to football, to school, to the dentist, to the store... you name it.
i recently went from monday night to thursday afternoon without so much as laying eyes on my three oldest children. i miss them with my whole being when i am away so much, start doubting the importance of what i am doing, and my own priorities. when i get time with them, i have such high expectations that i often mess up.
tonight for example, i was going to be home with four of them so i wanted to be super fun and involved. i looked up crafts on the Internet and decided to make angel dough.
it is a mix of baby oil and flour. it makes a silky soft dough that smells wonderful and is wonderful on the skin.
fun!
i mixed it up and got a greasy concoction that was similar to moon dough. crumbly and messy. while the older were good about not being too messy, at one point i heard maggie singing - its raining ice cream. wheeeeeee its raining. awesome.
so i am trying to clean up oily flour crap while hold a baby who is hungry and tired.
so instead of being fun, i end up saying something really loving like,
don't worry kids - i'll clean up all this mess, you just go play video games, i will remember this at allowance time. don't you worry - the maid will get everything. could i get you some snacks now?
probably not the best idea to expect your four, six and ten year olds to act like 30 year olds.

addendum to the post... right after typing it my 10 year old came to me and said, mom im sorry i didn't help you clean up tonight. here, let me take the baby so you can finish what your doing.
my heart runneth over.