2010

each year in this house brings on some new change or event. 2010 has proved to be no different. i think that jeff and i have the same philosophy to just do our best and go along for the ride that god has planned for us.
about a month ago, i got some shocking news by way of a positive pregnancy test. it was shocking, exciting, alarming and life changing. i was scared and emotionally overwhelmed with this news. i didn't really process it for about a week. i called the doctor and made an appointment a couple weeks later. we went in, she calmed me down but then said she should do an ultrasound to see if this was a viable pregnancy at all. sometimes it is common when you have been on birth control and are a little older to have a blighted ovum. we went right over for the ultrasound and got ready for the tiny little picture on the screen, the tiny little beating heart. i thought, once i see that i will be ok.
but there was no beating heart.
there was a tiny little place where the baby should be, but no baby or heartbeat.
so now, i process something totally different. something i was in shock over and hadn't even fallen in love with was gone that fast? jeff was silent.
he told me not to stress, it was in god's hands. yes, i was aware of that.
we were told to wait a week and come back, they would try again for the small chance that maybe it just didn't show up. the ultrasound tech was not very encouraged, she seemed sure that we would have seen something.
wait a week. go to work. go to school. raise my children. don't speak of this to anyone for fear of what they may or may not say.
over the weekend there was lots of signs that the pregnancy might not last. the doctor had me come back in to see if my blood levels were dropping. they weren't, they were ok.
have hope, don't have hope.
the next week came and we went back to that ultrasound room. she put it on and again saw nothing.
she said, just wait and let me see again.
then there it was. a baby, a heartbeat. tiny and strong. my baby. my baby i didn't fall in love with until that moment.
and then maggie puked all over the ultrasound room and her daddy. (perfect timing for a little tummy bug to make its presence known)
again, in our fashion excitement and drama.

so yes friends and family, that is my story, my news. it has been stressful, sad, and ultimately happy. we are ready for this and know that it will only add more fun and excitement to our already over flowing cups.