sweet annie

in a couple of hours it will be my baby's first birthday.  as always, it is my intent to capture my true feelings, so that my family can look back on these little posts some day and see the truth of our lives.  its not my intent to be politically correct or cool.  its just my real self - writing down the very uncool feelings i have about baby number five turning one.  that being said - it might get a touch emotional.

i am here to celebrate this birthday with half of my family away at camp.  i know it is just killing my husband to be away from her for so long, especially on her first birthday.  i will try to make it a happy day for her - which would simply involve me carrying her the entire day and feeding her ripe peaches, peeled and cut into big chunks.  that seems to be her food of the week.  peaches, not really even a taste of anything else.  she still nurses frequently, and will now take a bottle and sippy cup.  big progress.  im sitting here thinking about anything else she loves, and there is a very short list right now.  she number one loves me, then her daddy, then her siblings, then the dog, and that is it.  she will play for short periods, but much prefers to be carted around in my left arm.

i love her so much it scares me - as i do my whole family.  i remember finding out we were pregnant with her, jeff not believing me, the doctor telling me i probably was not pregnant after all, the sonogram with no heartbeat, the tears, the stress, the genetic counseling, and the sonogram with the tiny heartbeat.
 its that moment that makes the crushing stress and sadness of the moments building up to it, so worth it.  that moment which leads to the multitude of moments to follow.  the first day i felt like i was going to vomit at the site of hamburger (meaning hormones must be reaching a healthy level), the first time she kicked, the not finding out her sex, anticipating the delivery, and that day.  i love that day.  i remember every detail so clearly.  the shirt i wore, the drive to the hospital, the joy that filled the room for hours before she arrived.  it is quite possibly better than any drug that could ever be produced.
i vowed to love every second of her babyhood this time.  i have immersed myself in her, put other things and people on hold to cater to her.  i could of ruined her - as evidenced by her not allowing a single person to hold her other her mom and dad.  nobody.

so in a couple of hours, she will no longer be counted in months, but in years.  its so cliche, but goodness it goes by in a blink.








 i love you sweet annie claire, bigger than i can ever put into words.  you have made my heart grow exponentially larger in the twelve short months i have known you.