sister or brother?

according to my doctor, we are on the two week countdown to find out what this sweet bundle is going to be. i took the girls shopping today and after much debate they voted on a girl and a boy outfit for the new sibling.

my bag is half way packed, the baby has something to wear home from the hospital, and i have finished my three classes at once. i think i can relax and get excited for my last trip down the highway and up that elevator to the third floor. its almost surreal to think that i get to have that experience all over again. i remember lying in the hospital bed waiting on maggie to make her way into the world and just trying to soak up the moment, trying to permanently implant the room, the monitor, the tiny hat and white t-shirt, the warmer, all of it into my brain. now i get it once more. that first glimpse of their face, the feeling of their skin on mine and that intoxicating smell of their hair.
i don't think jeff or i feel we could be any more blessed.

sweating the small stuff.

there are a multitude of things i worry about daily in life, coming from a long line of worriers, it just comes natural to me.
while pregnant, this tendency just amplifies. i wanted this in writing, so when this baby comes, i can look back and realize there was really nothing to worry about. right?

i worry that the baby will come before 38 weeks, in which case, i will not be ready.
i worry that i will not complete all of my work for graduate school prior to this baby coming.
i worry that i won't have time to wash my bedding every week, and i love clean bedding.
i worry that when i go on maternity leave my paychecks will be cut by a huge chunk.
i worry something will happen to my husband. irrational kind of worry.
i worry that i will not get to shower daily and i will be greasy.
i worry that because i am greasy, i will not have friends anymore.
i worry about not having enough one on one time with my other four children.
i worry about not having any personal time at all.
i worry i will be paralyzed by my epidural. again, irrational worry.
i worry that my varicose veins won't go away this time.
i worry that i might be sad that i won't be pregnant anymore. crazy, i realize.
i worry i will not have my bag packed in time, or anything for the baby to wear home from the hospital.


that sums up all of the things i worry about on a daily basis. most of them just circulate through my head like a ticker throughout the day.

don't get me wrong, im overjoyed and excited to meet this gift from god, i just hope im not so worried about silly things that i don't take time to embrace it.